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Well its that Time again, Voice of The Resistance #4, What prompted me to begin back on this project, the answer is simple, I CAN'T GET ON AOL. But thats ok, it gives my time to meditate on other concerns. Well as to what is in this issue, the voices haven’t granted me that knowledge yet (but you know me, it will be great). As for those of you who complained about me shaving off the gotee, you can be happy again, its back (for now) It might how ever be gone before my friends wedding, which is two weeks from now. But enough of the gibberish.

Let us download our way to the circuit less bypassed. DOWNLOAD COMMENCING......

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the tree. The tall tree says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friend, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

The Scotsman and his egg

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." The Scotsman said, "Keep the fucking egg."

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This guy dies and goes to hell. The devil meets him at the front door and tells him, "There are three rooms with each one leading to the other. You cannot return to the previous room and the third room is the last one. It is one-way traffic. Do you understand?". He agreed. In the first room, the guy sees billions of people standing on their heads on the floor. He decides not to stay in the first room, seeing he would have to spend eternity like that! He requests that he be allowed to proceed to the second room. In the second room, he sees billions of people standing on their heads again, but this time on velvet cushions. He still decides he does not want to spend eternity upside down. He asks to proceed to the last room. "Okay, but this is the final room. You stay here forever like it or not". The guy is shown by the devil into the next room and finds billions of people standing on their toes in manure up to their waist,, drinking coffee! He thinks to himself, "This is fabulous. Sure I may have to stand in manure but at least I am right side up and get to drink coffee, to boot!". The devil says goodbye and closes the door. About 5 minutes later comes the announcement on the public address system, "Okay, coffee break's over. Get back on your heads!".

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Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

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Philosophies to get through the day

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train

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A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them is playing as well as they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, You are gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replies, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. After the pro watches her swing, he says, "NO, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway, about 35 feet. "That was great," the pro says, "Nice and gentle. Now take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to."

END OF DOWNLOAD....... And so I ride off into the SHUTDOWN And leave you to your own devices... Happy FILE TRANSFERS to you until we RETURN again END OF TRANSMISSION..........................