Voices In My Head #3

Well, we're back after a short break. The voices had to go to a convention for the weekend so i had a little rest. But now, with out further adieu, the words for reading.

Today's issue contains: (no artificial coloring) Dr. Seuss, Threat to society quiz, and a closing poem.

Dr. Seuss' Lesser Known Books

1. The Cat in the Blender

2. Are you my Proctologist?

3. Fox in Detox

4. Who shat in the Hat?

5. Horton feels a Ho

6. The Lemon-Fresh Lorax

7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day

8. Your Colon Can Moo, Can You?

9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil

10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch

11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!

12. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbet

13. The Bitch Set Me Up (I think it's about O.J.)

14. I've Fallen---And I Can't Get Up!

15. Yentl the Lentil

16. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket

17. Aunts in My Pants

18. Hop On Mom

19. Oh, The Places You'll scratch and Sniff!

20. Horton Fakes an Orgasm

21. The Grinch's Ten Inches.


The Threat to Society Quiz

--Please answer truthfully, the only on you hurt by lying is yourself (and after all, it IS so much more fun to hurt others).


1.) A man bumps into you in line at the store, he grumbles something that might be 'excuse me' but it sounds more like 'get the hell out of my way, you freak' do you:


A.) excuse yourself

B.) Ignore him/give him a dirty look

C.) bash him over the headwith a tire iron and vivisect him for the entertainment of the crowd around you


2.) A couple of teen-aged kids are sitting in front of you at the theater, you would be enjoying the film immensely if they weren't talking and throwing things at the screen. After politely asking them to stop they insult you and redouble their enthusiasm. do you:


A.) Try to pretend they aren't there

B.) Complain to the manager or move to a different seat.

C.) Quietly garrote them with a piece of piano wire and finish watching the film


3.) You're neighbor across the street frequently beats his pet dog which he keeps perpetually tied to a metal pole in the back of his yard. do you:


A.) Go about your business and hope that he moves.

B.) Report him to the Humane Society.

C.) Chain him to a tree in the middle of the woods, cover him with A-1 sauce, and release some hungry timber wolves on him.


4.) The local gossip is spreading malicious untrue rumors about you. Do you:


A.) Move to a new town

B.) Pretend your above it and ignore her

C.) Hang her upside down by a tree in her front yard, and publicly cut out her tongue.


5.) A middle aged man in a red BMW convertible, while talking on his cell phone, cuts you off. Twice. When you move to pass him, he flashes you his middle finger, honks, and screams something pleasant like 'you drive like shit, asshole!' do you:


A.) allow him to pass you, and take the next exit so to avoid offending him further.

B.) Honk back, and speed up so he can't get past you.

C.) Slow down, allow him to pass you, then force his car off the road.

and attack him with a road flare while allowing the person on the other end of his cell phone to listen to his tortured screams.


If you answered A to most or all of the questions, you are obviously pathetic and weak, you should consider becoming a homicidal maniac just to survive.


If you answered B to most or all of the questions, you probably are a ticking time-bomb of unexpressed hostility waiting to explode. You should become a homicidal maniac to vent some tension.


If you answered C to ANY of these questions, then you have nothing to worry about, you ARE a homicidal maniac and should be very proud of that fact.


THE CLOSING POEM

Between the idea

And the reality

Between the motion

And the act

Falls the shadow


-T.S. Eliot


GOOOOD NIGHT!!!